He will sleep when we get better with sleep training, and he will poop four hours after that last post.
As a reward for losing the Russian Poo Poo Roulette, I now know what a Metric Shit Ton of Poop looks like. Imagine the largest size chocolate milk shake available at your favorite burger place, and carefully dump it in and around an imagined baby, and you’ll be pretty close to having the emergency situation that I had on my hands (and wrists, and several places on my shirt). This was an immediate bath situation.
I took the night shift with Baby the past two nights to give Mama some recovery. She still comes in for feedings, but feels like the sleep away from Baby is helpful. I spend the entire time paranoid about every movement so as not to wake Baby. When I get up to pee (after holding as long as possible), I silently crawl up the wall and down the ceiling using my secret ninja moves.
About the sleep training: we now have a chart on the fridge to monitor when he’s been sleeping. We’re shooting for two naps in the day, both at least an hour, and bed time around 6:30pm. Getting him to learn how to fall asleep on his own is the greatest challenge. We haven’t attempted any kind of cry it out method yet. Sounds awful. We’re hoping to create and enforce a ritual that peacefully allows a good sleep schedule.